A Wallflower. A Leader.

I have never considered myself much of a leader. I wouldn’t consider myself to ever be a follower either. I have always seen myself as a background character, a supporting cast member, an observer. Someone who exists on the outskirts of life, not someone who dives into the middle of it.

For instance, I attended Liberty University from 2014-2017. It only took three years to get my degree, and I truly believe I would have been devastated had I needed to stay for another year. Even though I was almost always alone, it was still too much time spent in a social setting, having to maneuver my way through large crowds of strangers.

I didn’t make many friends, and if I did, it was more so because we were forced together by circumstance rather than by choice. And, unfortunately, I haven’t maintained contact with any of them. Rather than take advantage of the social opportunities college offered, I spent the majority of my days alone, working at my desk, watching tv on my laptop, going to the gym by myself. It certainly wasn’t an experience worth bragging about. I was in school for the sake of getting an education and didn’t take advantage of all the opportunities to grow myself as a person.

This was a pattern I exhibited throughout a significant portion of my life. You would find me hiding in the background, watching, never wanting to be seen. To give you an extreme example of what I was like, I remember in high school I was assigned a presentation for my English class. It wasn’t a difficult assignment but I was expected to create a slideshow and present it to my class. The expectation was that I was to only have cues on the presentation slides; I was not to read from the screen and to make eye contact with my classmates.

I distinctly remember how terrified I felt. I avoided having to give the presentation as long as I possibly could, hoping maybe the class would end before I had the opportunity to take my turn. But, of course, I was not that lucky. I went in front of the class and stared directly at the screen. I looked at the cues I had written and absolutely nothing came to mind. My breathing became shallow, I started to sweat and tears filled my eyes. I looked at my teacher and told her I couldn’t remember what I was talking about. As I walked across the front of my classroom I heard one of my classmates whisper, “Oh no! She’s going to cry.” I was so humiliated and it did nothing to help my social anxiety.

I am a wallflower, an onlooker. And I’m being used anyway.

I married a pastor, a leader in the church. I became the wife of someone whose life is open and upfront. This pushed my private, quiet life out of the shadows. I was no longer allowed to simply sit on the sidelines and watch as life passed by.

God made a wallflower a leader.

Now, you are not likely to find me speaking in front of large crowds, or even small crowds for that matter. But I will lead a small group discussion after Wednesday night Bible study. I will be someone women in our young adult ministry and girls in our youth can come to. I will author a blog that openly shares my heart and my life with others.

Being a leader does not only mean that you are in charge of a group or organization, nor does it necessarily mean you lead large groups of people in life-changing efforts. Being leader means you inspire others, great or small.

So what does this look like in realistic terms? What does this look like in real life, everyday situations?

You inspire people through the way you live. Someone is always watching you, especially if you are a person of faith. Your actions, your choices, your words can inspire them in a positive or negative way. It’s important to realize how much power you hold, how much power you are gifted with.

My daughter is almost seventeen months old. She’s learning something new each and every day and a lot of it she is learning from me. At home, we have two dogs. Two dogs that bark at the most inconvenient times and often times don’t listen when we tell them to stop. Because of this we often raise our voices, or yell, to try to get them to listen. Now that she’s talking more Charlie will tell them to stop or tell them no when they are barking or acting too rowdy in the house. She has learned what the dogs are allowed to do and what they shouldn’t just from watching and listening to us.

This had me thinking about what other things I do or say that she’s witnessing. When they are really frustrating, I may tell the dogs to shut up or mumble something about them being stupid. But this is not how I want to hear my daughter talk. She is in an extremely malleable phase of life making it so important that I exhibit self control and am conscious of my actions.

Children are definitley a special case. It’s common sense that we have to be careful around them. But why shouldn’t we extend this same mindset to all other people around us?

As Christians, we are already held to a higher standard. People, even those who don’t agree with our beliefs, are watching us with a very close eye — “Well they’re a Christian. If they can do it, then I definitely can.”

So I want you ask yourself. Who are you leading? Who did God place in your life for you to inspire?