Counting My Blessings

When I listen to worship music it’s not often that I just listen to a generic station. More than likely I am going to listen to a very specific song on repeat, something that speaks to me and the current state of my heart. 

Lately I would say my heart has been in a state of unrest, worry and fear. We are currently working on building our first home. We have been stuck in the paperwork process for quite some time, cutting through red tape and compiling all of the proper paperwork. But now we are finally starting to move forward in the process. We are about to turn in on all of our documentation and await the verdict of the bank. Our fate will be in their hands, and, assuming we receive their approval, we then have to start paying. 

It’s a scary thing making such a monumental change. I recognize it’s a significant investment into our family’s future but that does nothing to ease my worries. We have lived off the bare minimum before and I can’t help but be afraid of being back in that same place. 

But there is a certain song I have been listening to that is diligently reminding me that I have nothing to fear. I have been playing “Counting My Blessings” by Seph Schlueter on my way to work each morning: 

“God, I’m still counting my blessings

For all that You’ve done in my life

The more that I look in the details

The more of Your goodness I find.” 

It is my daily reminder that, while my concerns are valid, the blessings in my life prove that God has never failed to take care of me. Even now as I write this I’m listening to the song on repeat. 

So this week I thought I would take the time to count some of my blessings with you. 

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1 - My Daughter

The day my daughter was born was the greatest day of my life. She was six pounds and thirteen ounces of absolute perfection. And she has only become more perfect the older she has become. I can’t even begin to point out a favorite moment because every moment is my favorite. 

My husband and I were married for four years before we had our daughter. I always knew I wanted to be a mom but I was honestly terrified that I wouldn’t be very good at it. I’ve never been the type of person you would describe as “soft”, so I couldn’t help but worry I wouldn’t quite be what my child needed me to be. But there’s something about having your own tiny human that turns you into a whole new person. Every tear my daughter cries breaks my heart. Every laugh lights up my world. Every hug turns me to mush. Every new skill fills me with pride. She has me completely wrapped around her finger. 

I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect child. I can’t imagine it possibly gets any better than her. With her, I don’t worry about the future. I am so amazed by everything she does that I only want to be present in the here and now. I don’t want to waste a single moment worrying about what may or may not be. 

2 - My Husband

My husband and I are about to celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary. We have been through a lot in these short years; it feels as if we have already lived a lifetime together: six jobs, unemployment, moves, loss, school, COVID, travel, parenthood. It’s amazing how much can fit into what is only a small portion of our lives. 

One of the most significant components of our relationships is balance. Yes, it’s important to have balance in relationships, making sure you take care of responsibilities but also make time for one another. But I’m talking about balance on a more personal level. We balance each other out. I am a complete introvert and he’s an extrovert. He can readily join the crowd and I will stay comfortably along the sidelines. I will avoid meeting new people and he will bring the greatest of new friends into our lives. I will think about things practically and he will experience things emotionally. 

Because of my relationship with my husband, I am a more empathetic person. I have meaningful relationships with the other people in my life. When we encounter a stressful situation, we experience the stress in different ways. I truly believe God designed us that way so that we would fit together. When I am in a place where the anxiety and stress of the situation is weighing me down, my husband is the voice of reason and calm. And when his heart is breaking because he is overwhelmed by the circumstances of life, I am the source of comfort and peace. We were created to be what the other needs in order to navigate all that life throws our way.

3 - My Family 

Whenever I think of “my” family, it has always brought my mind to my parents, my siblings, my immediate family. But since having my daughter my mind has expanded to what “my” family truly is. I have always understood that I am a part of my husband’s family and he is a part of mine. But I suppose I always drew an imaginary line thinking, in times of need, his family would take care of him and my family would take care of me. I have definitely been proven wrong.

After I had my daughter I struggled with postpartum depression. I won’t go into the details of that right now but I will say it was a very dark time in my life. I was limited in what I was able to do which made it difficult for me to care for my new baby. During that time, my home was flooded with helping hands from both sides of the family. Someone was there every day making sure the baby and I were both cared for. My house was kept clean, the laundry was maintained and food was on the table. My family kept the world turning so that I could get better. 

4 - My Home

My husband and I have been through two homes together and are currently working to build our third. Up to this point we have only rented, never owned. So this is a big step for our little family! 

We started this journey before COVID. At the time we were still living in a small, double-wide trailer owned by my husband’s church. When we finally purchased a piece of land, the whole world shut down and prices began to skyrocket. Our plans were put on hold. It was frustrating, but it ultimately ended up being for the best. During that waiting period, I left my job and was unemployed for six months. I was able to find a temporary, minimum wage job before my husband and I both jumped to our current positions. 

If we had started building back when we bought the land, I wouldn’t have been able to move jobs. I wouldn’t have been able to take the time to find a job that fit me well and provided for my family. Because of that delay we are in a better place now; one that will allow us to have far better than we would have had back then. It doesn’t take away my fear of the unknown, but it does provide proof that God continues to provide.

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It’s so important for me to count my blessings. They are what ground me in times of fear. There will always be times of uncertainty in life and I need something tangible to cling to, to remind me that everything is already taken care of. God continues to provide. He continues to pour out blessings upon blessings. 

“But I will keep counting my blessings

Knowing I can’t count that high.”