It’s Okay to Not Be at Everything

by Amanda Beville

My name is Amanda and my husband serves alongside Hailey’s husband here in Virginia.

My husband has been a full time student pastor for 10 years now. We have also been married for 10 years! We met at SEBTS and got married right after college! We have three little boys and a baby girl on the way!

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Recently, I taught through the book of Esther with our middle and high school girls. During this time I really started thinking about how the seasons of my life have looked different over the years, especially in regard to ministry. Esther went through a few major seasons of life.

In the first season she was a Jewish orphan being raised by her cousin in a culture that didn’t believe Yahweh was the One True God.
In the next season she was taken into the house of the King to prepare to possibly become the next Queen.
In the next season she had become Queen and had a huge task at hand - to be apart of God’s plan to save her people!

In each season her life looked drastically different.

In each season she was wise and relied on the strength of the Lord, even in her weakness.

In each season God was preparing her for the next.

In each season of her life she believed that God would do what He said He would.

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If you haven’t read the book of Esther - her story is one of my favorites! In these past 10 years of ministry, combined with raising children, I’ve also learned that each season of life will look different as I have wisdom, and rely on the Lord, in raising our children and serving alongside my husband. At the beginning of our marriage and full time ministry, my husband and I were married for three years before having our first son. I worked full time and was able to attend pretty much all of the student events. Once our first son was born I struggled with finding a balance between trying to be at everything while also trying to be a full time Mom. We didn’t have many childcare options so he had to come along to virtually everything if I were to attend. If I didn’t attend something I would get questions about where I was. And for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to say I was home taking care of our son so my husband could be 100% involved and invested in ministry.

Then came along our twin boys when our oldest was 3 years old. Naturally life got incredibly more busy! While I still tried to attend extra student events when possible, I wasn’t able to serve as much in different aspects of the church because I was on Mom duty 100% of the time so my husband could be 100% focused on ministry. This was where my mindset that, “it’s really ok not to be at everything,” began to set in. The Lord knew what season of life we were in with young kids, and more importantly He knew my heart!

As our twins and our oldest got a bit older I was able to be much more involved. I began teaching a class on Sunday mornings again and was able to teach regularly within the children’s ministry as well. I was able to plan and execute girls events and attend most of the other church events. Our church is wonderful and no one has ever questioned why I wasn’t at an event or a Wednesday night student gathering - even if it was just that our kiddos needed rest! However, my heart still often struggled to balance being involved in much but also being the Mom that my children need so my husband can be 100% focused on the ministry.

Then surprise! God said here is one more! I’m currently pregnant with our first baby girl! I’ve developed some complications with this pregnancy and have had to step back from a lot of involvement yet again. But this time I’ve been able to know this is a season and the Lord is still pleased with me with my amount of involvement within the student/church ministries as I take care of my three boys while dealing with the complications that have arisen during this pregnancy.

It’s taken me almost 10 years as a pastors wife to believe in my heart that the Lord is pleased with my focus on raising our children and creating a peaceful home as we teach and model Jesus to our children. If you’re a new pastors wife hear this: it’s ok to not be at everything! It’s ok to prioritize raising your children and creating a peaceful and healthy home! God already knows what the seasons of your life will look like - in fact they’re part of His plan!